Hot Topic: Mail Order Brides – Exploitation or an Equal Partnership

Monday, September 7, 2009


Hot Topic: Mail Order Brides – Exploitation or an Equal Partnership

Is a mail order bride a prostitute selling her body and her relative freedom for a ticket to a wealthier life in the West? Some seem to think so and go as far as claiming that a ‘mail order bride’ as a concept amounts to nothing more that people trafficking.
However, those who have availed themselves of the growing number of agencies and websites offering introductions between beautiful women from nations as diverse, culturally speaking as Russia and Thailand, would strongly disagree of course.

Many men cite their main reason for choosing a ‘wife’ in such a way as being because they find women from their own home nations such as the US and the UK unapproachable and too masculine in their drive, ambitions and general attitudes in life. So perhaps Western women are responsible for the increase in the numbers of men seeking their partners and their pleasures elsewhere?

But really, come on, isn’t the concept of a mail order bride all about exploitation: exploitation both of the women and perhaps even the men who ‘purchase’ a partner over the Internet too? After all the women just give themselves - body and soul - in return for a visa, a passport, cash and a one way ticket out of their old life…and the men must surely give up at least their pride and their status amongst friends and colleagues when they’re seen around town with an obviously bought bride on their arm. Or do you strongly disagree and feel that actually it really is more about a meeting of minds in an equal and open arena that no longer exists in the bars and nightclubs of the West?
No matter who you ask about this topic, opinion is always as strong as it is heavily divided. For many of us the concept of buying a bride over the Internet is comical at best, seedy at worst and something we try not to really think too seriously about. After all, who wants to imagine a fat, old, balding and sad American man lusting after a tiny and pretty Filipino girl a third of his age? But having known men who have bought in to the concept – and indeed bought themselves a wife - it is fascinating to learn what they think about the entire process.

Many men see ordering a bride as finding an ideal partner without the risks associated with chatting up strangers and dating women who may turn out to be bunny boilers. They can pick a woman purely based on her looks and how demure and ‘willing to please’ she is, and all they have to do in return really is fork out cash. They will not be challenged financially speaking, they not be answered back to or argued with in their own home, and if they’re really lucky they’ll get an angel for their kitchen and errm – well, a whore for their bedroom.

But can such relationships work? What about the language barrier for a start? And in a marriage built from a contract of paying for and providing a service, can love blossom and can a harmonious partnership prevail? In answer to this question one has to look at the statistics of marriages that last longer than it takes for the woman to either get her passport or her first beating…and surprisingly, some partnerships do work and they do last. Those that survive on a relatively equal footing have the benefit of partners who make an effort on the language and the cultural front, who are interested in more than just the basics of the partnership contract, and who are truly looking to find a partner for life.

So perhaps mail order bride sites and agencies do have a place in the world after all, and they aren’t just about exploitation – it’s just the people who use them that you have to worry about